


Interior Decorating

by ZaliaChimera



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, Friendship, Funny, Gen, IKEA, Screenplay/Script Format, Season/Series 01, fake statements, magnus archives fluff contest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22338193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaliaChimera/pseuds/ZaliaChimera
Summary: Jon enlists help in making his mark on the Archives.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 161
Collections: The Fluff Archives





	Interior Decorating

FX: Sounds of furniture scraping on the floor

**THE ARCHIVIST**

That's it. Just a bit further and-

FX: A soft thump

**THE ARCHIVIST**

There we go.

**TIM**

Thank god. You'd think the shelves were made from concrete.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

They feel that way. I suppose they are old.

Solid wood rather than IKEA monstrosities.

**TIM**

Oh I don't know. I like a nice Knutstorp now and again.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Tim, I don't want to know about- that- that's furniture isn't it?

**TIM**

You mean you've never done the student IKEA run?

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Funnily enough, I never purchased a sofa based on how

much innuendo I could cram into the name.

A PAUSE

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Do you think-

**TIM**

No way I'm helping to move that again, boss.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Right. Of course not. I just-

**TIM**

Doing a bit of feng shui to align the energy of the building?

I think it might take a bit more than moving some furniture to do that

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Of course not. I just thought it would make things a bit more...

Mine.

**TIM**

You can't make it less organised I suppose.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Exactly. Well, we can have an entirely new section for discredited here and-

FX: A door opening

**MARTIN**

I got- oh. Hey Jon. Tim.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Martin.

**MARTIN**

What are you doing? That bookcase wasn't there before.

**TIM**

Boss wanted to protect your honour Martin

**MARTIN**

What?

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Tim! I want to rearrange some of the filing system.

And while we were doing it, I thought it might give you a little

more privacy since you are staying in the Archives currently.

**MARTIN**

Oh. That's- thank you?

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Yes well, now it's done I should get back to work.

**MARTIN**

Are you not having lunch?

**TIM**

You know our fearless leader doesn't need to eat like

us mere mortals.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

It's alright Martin, I'll get something later.

**MARTIN**

It's just I got take away from that Indian place down the road,

and they always give me way too much.

**TIM**

Because they love you.

**MARTIN**

And you could share if you wanted to?

**THE ARCHIVIST**

I don't think-

**TIM**

Oh come on, boss. We've already moved half the furniture.

Is taking half an hour for lunch going to kill you?

**THE ARCHIVIST**

...fine. I suppose I am a little hungry.

FX: General shuffling around

**TIM**

Thanks Martin.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Yes. Thank you Martin.

**MARTIN**

That's fine. What are you planning to move anyway?

**THE ARCHIVIST**

I want to start refiling statements. More space for discredited

statements and a section for researched but uncorroborated.

Those two categories should cover the vast majority of them.

**TIM**

Ah yes, the good old 'I saw a scary shadow' statements.

**MARTIN**

They're not that bad. Most of them are just people wanting

someone to listen to them.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

That's what YouTube is for. I mean-

FX: Sounds of rustling paper

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Take this one for example. Statement of Edward Hampton regarding...

A weird bird that kept staring at him.

There is some laughter from Tim, and some slightly muffled laughter from Martin as though he's trying to hide it.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

(In an exaggerated spooky voice)

And every time I walked under that tree, I would feel its

beady eyes boring into my mind, telling me to do things.

The laughter is not muffled this time.

FX: More rustling

**TIM**

Alright, my turn. Statement about ooooh, a haunted game

cartridge that made my childhood friend get stuck in the game.

**MARTIN**

I think I read that one on a forum once. I wonder why

it's always haunted game cartridges, but never haunted CDs.

**TIM**

Haunted Tomb Raider. Calling it now. We must have a statement

about that somewhere here.

**MARTIN**

What have I got- ooooh, I think my boss is secretly a government spy

trying to put mind control serum into bottles of mouthwash.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Ah yes, I always feel particularly obedient to authority just after

I've brushed my teeth. I don't know why I didn't think of it before.

The Archivist gives an exaggerated sigh of annoyance.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

(Firmly)

As I said, we have a lot of discredited statements.

Hopefully this will help to keep them separate from

anything that bears further research.

**TIM**

Well, we're not going to be short of things to keep us busy.

We should set up a website to share them.

**MARTIN**

Tim, that's really unethical.

**THE ARCHIVIST**

Quite. Anyway, I really should get some work done.

Thank you Martin for lunch.

**MARTIN**

That's alright.

There is more rustling of paper as The Archivist leaves.

**TIM**

So, Martin, How's this for a ridiculous statement? Ghost. Crocodile.


End file.
